Set Back

This evening, Thomas had to be put back on Si Pap and may have an infection. The central line in his chest started oozing this morning, so they took a culture and started anti-biotics. Although he seemed to be doing ok this afternoon, he started laboring this evening and they made the decision to put him back on Si Pap. We will get preliminary results in the morning from the cultures and hopefully get him on the right anti-biotic. We don't know what we're dealing with yet, so I don't really know the impact on his surgery next week.

I've tried to maintain a stance that until we know there is something to worry about, don't waste your energy worrying about it. We really don't know what we're facing, it could be nothing, but the location of the infection really bothers us. Rebecca and I have really been struggling the last week or so, a little shorter with everyone around us, even each other. We're both tired, mentally and physically, as I'm sure all new parents being. We're not unique, but we're still tired.

This was not what either of us wanted to hear and really hit Rebecca hard. She's experiencing what every mom probably has to go through at some point. Seeing your child suffer without being able to do anything about it. She has been amazingly calm and patient throughout all of this, but her strength is depleted and her faith is a little shaken. As the narrator here, I can focus on Rebecca as an interested observer, but its not significantly different for me.

This may all turn out to be nothing, and if so, I'm kind of wasting something I'd been holding on to for a while. I'm doing this specifically for Rebecca, so bare with me. A long time friend of Rebecca's wrote a note to her about Thomas not long after he was born. Whether you are religious or not, I think it has meaning, about having a positive outlook and believing that things will work out. I must apologize for cribbing someone else's writing, but hopefully she'll forgive me. I know that Rebecca will read this and her faith will be restored. (Love you)


"Rebecca, this may seem a little strange at first, in terms of the angle, but it has a point (and you know my brain was always a little “wacky” J). I couldn’t talk to you about it over the phone, because I would get too emotional. But when I learned of Thomas’ name, I was immediately inspired by the power in its meaning relative to the faith we share by way of Christian orientation, it’s the “language” we share, and I think it’s no accident you were inspired to give such a name to your little angel who does not himself embody this metaphor, in the way Biblical Thomas did, but instead conversely, and amazingly, through the power of his soul and spirit - projects in human example the purest essence and translation of God, its perseverance, its certainty of existence, and in turn, “reflects” to us in the mirror that is his eyes the very crux of the lesson inherent in the name “Doubting Thomas” --- challenging us toward faith and hope, the will to believe, even amidst uncertainty and adversity.

This article is titled “Learning Faith Through Doubting Thomas” --- I have highlighted my favorite parts that inspire me relative to the circumstance and example of your Thomas. It speaks to me about the lessons your Thomas is teaching us…your Thomas does not represent the doubt, as the Biblical Thomas did --- your Thomas is challenging doubt in favor of faith --- just like the real doubting Thomas, who in this case could be any of “us”, was able to turn his life ultimately to reflect by its example the confirmation of and certainty of God, in converting his own doubt through faith. Whatever propensity by nature our “human-ness” has for doubt or fear or worry when faced with circumstances like these…we can all be like Thomas and ultimately cling instead to faith and hope! One day there will be another article, “Learning Faith through Thomas” – it is the sequel being defined right now by your Thomas J

“Thomas is a late bloomer, I guess. A commercial fisherman, he grew up around the Sea of Galilee. Jesus came to Capernaum, calls him, and he follows. For three years Thomas follows.

Thomas's Pessimism and Courage

But Thomas is a pessimist. Some people rejoice to see a glass half full, but Thomas sees it half empty. Oh, he's full courage, but also possesses a streak of fatalism. Once, when Jesus and his disciples hear about their friend Lazarus's death near Jerusalem, the center of Jesus' opposition, Thomas comments darkly, "Yes, let's go there that we might die with him." His words are almost prophetic.

Soon, his world falls apart. Thomas sees his Master arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane and he flees for his life. On Good Friday he watches at a distance as they spike his Friend to a cross on the Roman killing grounds of Golgotha. As Jesus' life drains away, so does Thomas's hope.

Shock and Disbelief

On Saturday he is in shock. On Sunday he is so disillusioned that he doesn't gather with his fellow disciples for an evening meal. Thomas is dazed, hurt, bitter -- and lashing out. Monday morning, the disciples go looking for Thomas and tell him what has happened in his absence.

"Thomas, we were in that upper room where we'd been meeting. We lock the doors for protection. Yet, all of a sudden, Jesus appears. 'Peace, Shalom,' he says. Then he shows us his hands. There are jagged holes where the nails had been. He pulls back his tunic and shows us where the spear penetrated his chest. But he isn't weak or sick or dying. He is alive, raised from the dead!"

Afraid to Believe

"I don't believe it," barks Thomas. "I don't believe a word of it. You're seeing what you want to see. Jesus is dead. I saw him die, and part of me died with him. But he's dead, and the sooner you accept that fact, the better off you'll be. Give it up!"

Peter pleads with him. "Thomas, I saw him myself, I tell you, and he was as real as you are!"
Thomas is cold, with an edge in his voice that cuts like ice. "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."

But Thomas's anger cools, and by the next Sunday evening he is eating with his fellow disciples in the same locked room. Suddenly, Jesus stands among them once again and speaks -- "Shalom, peace be with you."

All the blood drains from Thomas' face. Jesus turns to him and speaks plainly, without any hint of rancor or sarcasm, "Put your finger here, see my hands." Jesus holds out his scarred hands for him to examine. Thomas recoils. Not out of fear, really, but from a mixture of amazement and revulsion.

Jesus begins to open his outer garment and says, "Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

My Lord and My God

Thomas is weeping now and then begins to sob out loud. Jesus reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. Then Thomas slips to his knees and says in awe, "My Lord and my God!"

Thomas, "Doubting Thomas," as he is sometimes called, is the first disciple to put into words the truth that Jesus is both Lord and God. "Doubting Thomas" utters the greatest confession of faith recorded anywhere in the Bible.

Jesus replies, "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Preacher in the East

What happens to him? Doubting Thomas does not stay a doubter. When he sees the risen Jesus, all that Jesus has taught over the years now clicks in, and to his death Thomas is an outspoken advocate for his Lord.

Church tradition tells us that he preaches in ancient Babylon, near the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers, where Iraq is today. He travels to Persia, present-day Iran, and continues to win disciples to the Christian faith.

Then he sails south to Malabar on the west coast of India in 52 AD. He preaches, establishes churches, and wins to Christ high caste Brahmins, as well as others. When the Portuguese land in India in the early 1600s, they find a group of Christians there -- the Mar Thoma Church established through Thomas' preaching a millennium and a half before.

Finally, Thomas travels to the east coast of India, preaching relentlessly. He is killed near Mylapore about 72 AD, near present-day Madras. Tradition tells us that he is thrown into a pit, then pierced through with a spear thrown by a Brahmin.

He who had so fervently proclaimed his unbelief carried the Christian message of love and forgiveness to the ends of the earth in his generation.

The Doubter Speaks Today

Thomas would speak to doubters today, to those of us who have seen our hopes and dreams destroyed. Doubting Thomas would tell his story of how Jesus' life had intercepted his own. He would tell us of his fears and his doubts. And then, with a radiant, joyful face, St. Thomas, Apostle to India, would recount his joy at seeing and knowing the risen Jesus himself. "My Lord and my God!" he would say. "My Lord and my God!"

~***~

And here is another reference I found, that I thought was especially beautiful given that this person writes from the perspective of a parent:

“Before I had children, I wondered how Jesus could put up with some of the questions His disciples asked. Why didn't they get it? Now I know. I understand what it means to love unconditionally and where that patience comes from.

So I come again the the question of "Doubting" Thomas. Thomas who was ready to die for his Lord, and yet who fled in fright; Thomas who said, "God, I don't understand"; Thomas who didn't want to believe without proof. Is the title Doubting Thomas an apt one?

I see so much of myself in Thomas. I can not begin to count the number of times I've asked God to prove Himself to me because, like the father in Mark, I cry out "I believe, help my unbelief!" Is that so different from Thomas, in this very emotional time, saying he must see for himself that His Lord and Saviour has done what He said He would?

And I have proclaimed that I would follow Jesus wherever He would lead me, only to later turn aside when the going got rough, then to sheepishly return when the shepherd called my name.
And it seems that daily I am asking God to explain something that later appears to be so simple any child should have been able to grasp it, and listening and learning as He patiently does.

Doubting Thomas? You decide.

Doubting the teaching and example of your Thomas? – Not for a millisecond. J I love you! sb"