Dallas, TX
The FBI has confirmed that they are investigating allegations of an organized crime syndicate headed by the notorious Thomas "Baby Face" Elliot. FBI spokesperson Robin Banks stated that an on-going investigation was begun 5 months ago. "We have been tracking Baby Face's movements for some time now. We're hopeful that by coming forward with our investigation that honest citizens will come forward and cooperate." Ms. Banks admitted that witnesses have been unwilling to come forward. "We don't know if they are afraid of repercussions or they're just too young and haven't learned how to speak yet. Either way, no one's talking."
Baby Face Elliot is accused of running a myriad of questionable and potentially illegal operations within the confines of the Baylor NICU. Charges include illegal betting, black market contraband and blackmail. One former preemie, who spoke to us on condition of anonymity, gave us a look into the inner workings of the "CUE". "Look, this is nothing new, when I was there, Bob 'Binky' Buttons ran a numbers game based on when babies get released from the NICU. You could bet on anything, how much weight a baby would gain, the time it took for a nurse to respond if you started crying, stuff like that. Eventually Binky's number was called and there was someone there to fill his spot. They can try to take down Baby Face, but someone else will be there to pick up the slack. We all participated in it. There was nothing else to do, you just lay there all day. I would have gone nuts if I didn't have the betting to keep me busy. And if you need a pacifier or an extra blanket, they'd get it for you...for a price."
That price can be heavy. Many speculate that beyond the inability to form words, let alone sentences, babies aren't spilling the beans because each is a victim of blackmail through the use of compromising photographs. Pictures in goofy outfits forced on them by clueless parents or babies caught drooling in their sleep are kept for years to maintain a code of silence.
Local investigators say they've heard rumor of illicit activities going on up there, but have been unable to infiltrate the tight knit community. Officer Pepe Roni, who is familiar with the case stated "We tried to put an under cover cop in there, but they ratted him out on the first day. I knew it wasn't going to work. I mean really, no amount of make up is going to make a grown man look like a preemie. It was pretty stupid."
Other attempts have been made to catch Baby Face red-handed. Police raided the NICU and found over 60 diapers, 5 pacifiers and 14 blankets under Elliot's crib. His attorney Sue Yu has stated that everything found was for personal use and that her client has done nothing wrong. "Thomas Elliot is an upstanding member of society and just wishes to be left alone to be read to and held."
Baby Face, seen here leaving a Chicago Hotel, has been very reclusive, has spoken in public on only 3 occasions, each more confusing than the other:
Upon arriving at the Baylor NICU, Elliot told his nurse, "You can get further with a kind word and a bottle of formula than you can with just a kind word."
At a birthday for another preemie in April, Baby Face was overheard saying, "People are gonna drink! You know that, I know that, we all know that, and all I do is act on that. And all this talk of nursing - what is nursing? On a boat, it's bootlegging. On Lake Shore Drive, it's hospitality. I'm a businessman!"
Finally, just last week, reporters caught up with him as he was moved from one NICU unit to another for undisclosed reasons (rumor has it that the hospital administration was trying to limit Baby Face's power by separating him from his organization, but this could not be confirmed). Thomas went on record with this strange ramble: "I'm gonna tell you something. Somebody messes with me, I'm gonna mess with with him. Somebody steals from me, I'm gonna say you stole. Not talk to him for spitting on the sidewalk. Understand? Now, I have done nothing to harm these people but they are angered with me, so what do they do, doctor up some income tax, for which they have no case. To speak to me like me, no, to harass a peaceful man. I pray to god if I ever had a grievance I'd have a little more self respect. One more thing, you have an all out prize fight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that's how you know who won. By the way, I don't know how to stand yet."
To try and take down this operation, the FBI has brought in a legend familiar with organized crime and what it takes to take down a high profile figure like Baby Face. Eliot Ness was introduced at a press conference and pledged to take down Baby Face. Asked what his plan was, Ness was quoted as saying "Not really sure, I'm not real good with kids, but I need this bad, I haven't had a successful case since 1931."
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